This statistic is a shock to everyone.
Men who go through divorce are 4.8 times more likely to commit suicide than women.
While divorce is certainly devastating to all concerned, why do these men and women feel that this is their only solution, their only way out?
Our legal system is to blame as well as those who take advantage of it.
Let's follow a divorce initiator's path. Their spouse is unaware that they want a divorce. Meanwhile the initiator is preparing, by putting away money, getting financial information, reading all they can so they know their rights. They are positioning themselves well. Then, after days or months of preparing they strike.
Taken by surprise, the spouse doesn't understand what's going on. Still thinking there's a chance to save the marriage, therapy is offered not realizing the decision has already been made, without them. Sometimes the initiator will go to therapy just to buy some more time.
It takes two to get married, only one to get divorced.
While knowledge and preparation is a good thing, it should be used to insure a fair divorce, not used to take advantage of your spouse. The problems start when the initiator is prepared and unwilling to compromise.
Taken off guard, the spouse's world caves in. They give into the initiators demands thinking mistakenly that if they are easy to get along with, the initiator will change their mind. This continues the downward cycle.
When asked to, they move out of the matrimonial home. This is the first of many mistakes. Each time they try to be nice to soften the consequences something gets taken away, kids, house and money.
Since they can't get fairness from their spouse, they turn to the courts. The battle in this arena has the same outcome. Their kids, house, money and now even more money due to legal fees are gone.
They can't see their children; they can't live in their home and then the court orders support in an unreasonable amount.
Under these devastating circumstances, the thoughts of suicide are born.
Men are more likely to follow through than women due to the fact that women are better communicators. They are willing to accept support from family and friends. Women are also more likely to go into therapy. Men keep to themselves to find a solution, playing Russian roulette with suicide.
So what's the answer?
There will always be initiators. One will always want out more than the other. But can't a marriage be left with everyone's lives partially intact? The consequences of even a fair divorce are harsh enough.
You know you are the initiator and you have the advantage, can't you be gentle? You are entitled to 50% of the kids, house, money as well as equalization payments and possibly child support.
Can't that be enough?
We can't control or change the laws fast enough to help these beaten souls. We CAN change our attitude of revenge and greed!
We do have control over that right now!
This is someone you once loved; married, shared a life and had children with.
Is your divorce worth more than their life?
By Liz Wertman,
"Divorce Strategy for Men and Women" is your guide through the divorce maze. Discover how you can reduce legal fees, stay out of court and maintain your parenting rights. http://www.divorcewell.com