It is not the divorce but the conflict arising after divorce the culprit of most psychological-adjustment problems the children are having. So, how to stop the post-divorce parental conflict from bursting must be given a premium importance by parents who want to have a healthy, happy and successful divorced children.
First let us identify the source of most post-divorce parental conflict. It is only when we are able to identify exactly the source of most post-divorce parental conflict that we are able to stop.
It is said that building or maintaining regular communication with your 'ex' is one of the most important keys to successful divorce parenting. If there exist an ineffective communicating relationship between spouses, one may be left the other uninformed of the important matters relative to their children and thus often become the major source of new parental conflict.
Effective parenting after divorce requires effective communication. Even if spouses don't like each other, or disagree on many issues, they still have to work together as a team as far as their children are concerned. Both should know what's going on.
With stronger co-parenting communication, there will be less chance of misunderstandings and conflicts between the ex-spouses -- and a better chance of a healthy upbringing for the children.
Here are the five goals you can set to improve co-parenting communication:
1. Have a clear, consistent schedules and rules.
2. Keep each other abreast of any parenting-related developments or important issues.
3. Set an appointment to speak with your ex about any problems, then be polite but firm while trying to solve them.
4. Develop a trust level between each other.
5. Be civil and reasonable at all times.
To keep communication healthy, use these guidelines when you communicate in person with your 'ex'.
1. Be consistent. Make sure your facial expressions and body language are consistent with your words.
2. Relax. If your emotions become too overwhelming, learn to relax and breathe slowly or ask that the conversation be continued later. Leave if you have to.
3. Bring a friend. If in the past talking to your 'ex' has resulted in violence or verbal attack, take another person with you.
4. Back off. If your 'ex' is emotionally closed, back off. Keep on talking and explaining will get angry while your 'ex' gets irritated. Just wait for a better time or write a letter. Letters are a perfect option for communicating clearly and without emotions. They also allow the other person time to digest what you say.
5. Bounce it back. If your 'ex' attacks you verbally, reply, "I refuse to receive that. I need to be respected in this conversation and, if you're not able to do that right now, we should continue this later." Don't act snotty, superior, or self-righteous. Be kind. If your 'ex' continues to bait you into an argument, leave calmly and quietly.
Remember your children's welfare must always be your first priority. Think about the long-term effects on your children of everything you and your ex say and do. Follow the above goals and guidelines. Strive to improve your co-parenting communication then you can create the best possible co-parenting relation. Do all these for your children sake.
Copyright by Ruben Francia. All Rights Reserved.
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Ruben Francia is an author of an indispensable divorce parenting guide ebook, entitled "101 Ways To Raise Your 'Divorced' Children To Success". Discover the ways to raising healthy, happy and successful children even if you're divorced. Visit his web site at http://www.101divorceparenting.com.